Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize