so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
