How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
