I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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