can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
