yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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