I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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