I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
