Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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