I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
