why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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