if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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