You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
