I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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