tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
