you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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