Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
