just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
