Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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