opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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