I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
