i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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