Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
