I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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