Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
