Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
