You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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