I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
