I want to have your abortion
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
