theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And the cops told us we were all naked.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
