So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
