I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
