pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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