Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
