11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize