saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
