I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
