I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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