i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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