Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize