we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize