we should wear snuggies to the strip club
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
