just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
