your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
