My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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