I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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