OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
