I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
