Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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