How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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