My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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