You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
