god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
