I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
