I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
