Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
