pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
