Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
