I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
