If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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