It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
