were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
whose parrot is this?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
