turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
