I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
