He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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